Holiday Beginnings

I have a love hate relationship with the holidays as I'm sure many do.  I love the lights, and the family and I love the hustle and bustle of everything.  I love the food.  I love the preparation of the food.  I however do not like the clean up of the food.  Especially when most of the people that feel they are entitled to partaking of the food feel like they do not need to help clean up. I feel if you eat it you can at least offer.   But the food still makes it worth it!

Since my parents separated like one hundred years ago, I feel like I'm in the middle of them.  They keep track of every hour spent at the others house and if it isn't equal, well then.  And even if they don't say it, even if they say it's fine.  I don't feel like it is.  Especially now, where they have a grand baby. It makes it a bit more frustrating.  I never feel like I am making everyone happy.  And it's the holidays, everyone should be happy.  Even if it is just Thanksgiving.

There always seems to be one person that I miss out on or don't quite give enough to.  It seems to be a different person every year.  And it stresses me out.  It makes me feel really bad.  This year, it seems that I am off to an awesome start.  Two years ago, it was my dad's year for Thanksgiving.  AND, it happened to be on my Golden Birthday!  We always eat at my Grandma Nelson's house.  BUT, I had just had a baby two days before, so I was just getting out of the hospital.  And truthfully, didn't feel like sitting for 4 hours in a car for a dinner.  And it was flu season, and that year was especially bad (I asked that if you had not received a flu shot, that you get one before coming and seeing us. No flu shot=no visits) I was taking all precautions against getting sick.  So, we didn't go.  I was released from the hospital on Thanksgiving day and just went home to spend time with my new baby.  I felt really bad, and I know that my Grandma really wanted me to come and to bring the babe.  So I promised her that we would be there next time. Next time is here and I am so excited.  This time it's Lyd's birthday on Thanksgiving!!! And my grandma is super excited.  A few things have come up though and my Step mom is now having her own Thanksgiving.  We will be staying with her and my dad.  So now I feel like a jerk to stay with them, but bolt as soon as it is time for dinner.

I have never had the pleasure of making my own Thanksgiving. And I can't wait until I do.  But I know that a lot of work goes into it.  Even if everyone brings a dish, it's a lot of work.  And now because I haven't figured out how to be in two places at once, I will have to skip one.  I already feel bad because everyone wants to spend time with Lyd.  And truly I don't blame them.  Even if because she wouldn't go to sleep, I forgot all about a big assignment that was due.

I hope that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Everything aside I have many, many things to be thankful for.  My beautiful, wonderful daughter and family is on the top of my list.

This week is going to be great!

Real life interaction, and new trends.

I don't see my dad as often as I should. He lives in northern Utah. And we live in Utah County. It really isn't that far away of a drive for us, but now especially with a little one it's a trip. When I plan to go up, I don't like to just go up for the day. I at least like to make a weekend trip out of it. Lyd loves both of her grandpa's so much. She calls them pa and papa. Next to me, probably because I feed her, pa is her favorite person. Probably because he has magic quarters that as long as she is with her pa, it will buy ANYTHING in the store! Man, I wish I had a magic quarters. Even just one would be awesome. Don't you think so? Any way. We were able to come and surprise my dad for his birthday this weekend. He had no idea we were coming! It was so much fun. She came to class with me and we just kept heading north after it was over. I know he misses his girl. She's the first grandkid and definitely the best behaved of the two. We were able to spend a good chunk of time just us and my dad. It was so great to have some one on one time. It's is so easy to forget or justify not coming up here to visit because he is able to FaceTime and see her growing from the posts that I make on Facebook. As wonderful as modern technology is, I think we all, myself included, we use it as an excuse to not have personal interaction. Even though sometimes family can be stressful I am so grateful that we came and were able to get a few pictures of Lyd and her pa. Together in real life! Now, I'm going to go to bed. I have had no sleep so that we were able to be packed and ready to go straight from school when we left at 6:30 am.

Something different?

How many times a day do you wish you were doing something different? What number do you have? What does that say about what you are doing? Do you wish you were at work? Do you wish you were away from your kids? Do you wish you were not with your significant other? Do you wish that you were stuck at school? Do you wish you were in traffic? I think (or at least I hope) that you aren't wishing for any of these. Yes you might need a break from your spouse, or your children. But to be AWAY from them, again, I hope not. I myself, have many times that I am wishing to be somewhere else. As I leave the house, I am wishing I wasn't. As I board FrontRunner(the train) to go to school, I wish I was at home playing with my little girl. As I walk to class, I wish I was not walking toward school but away from it, because that means I am going home. I absolutely do not like being away from my daughter. I have major, I mean major anxiety every time I do. I'm better at keeping it together now but it is still very hard for me to do. I hate having to leave her. Even thought I know I she is in good hands. I worry about the what if's. I feel bad because I feel like I am failing because I cannot be there with her all the time. I know she probably needs time away from me. It will help her grow. It will help her learn. And I'm told, it is good for her. HMMM. Anyway, my reason for this is, when you are having these feelings, is what you are doing worth it? Do you need to make a change in your life? Of course life will always have these, because we have to be adults. But if you feel like maybe something is off, I suggest you pray and ponder about it. The Lord will guide you to what he would like you to be doing, you just have to listen.