Oh Christmas Tree

I love this time of year.  There is always so much stress to please everyone.  But there is so much joy that comes from it too.  Even the most simple things bring me joy this time of year.  Like a Christmas tree with lights.  When it's snowing outside, I like to cuddle with a blanket and turn off all the lights other than the Christmas tree.  And just enjoy it.  It can be so fun to read Christmas stories to Lydia. Or rather, right now she is playing with her toy Nativity set.  And though she doesn't completely understand, I hope that I can set an example and have her understand the true meaning.  That as wonderful as giving and receiving gifts can and is.  That that is not what Christmas is all about.  They sure aren't kidding when they say that Christmas is 100 times better with kids.  It's so much more fun.

If you are wondering what I believe the Christmas season means to me, below is a video attachment that can explain it hopefully a little more than I can.

I hope you enjoy it.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas.  I hope your families are well and that you have safe travels.

https://www.mormon.org/christmas

How grateful am I.

I usually don't like to write(especially where others can read) about certain things. In particular, my testimony of Jesus Christ.  But as I have been studying the Restoration of his church this last few weeks studying has struck me.  My heart breaks, for the early pioneers.  For the early saints, and the sacrifices that they went through. I honestly cannot imagine living when they did.  I cannot imagine having to go through half of the trials that anyone living during that period of time had to deal with, let alone the persecutions that they had to suffer through. I don't write or tell my testimony often because I am so afraid of someone bashing something so dear to my heart.  

I really want to talk about Hyrum Smith.  He is quite possibly one of my favorite people.  It doesn't help that I love the name.  If I ever have a son, I hope that I can name him Hyrum. Now, I love and truly believe Joseph Smith saw what he did. And I admire him greatly. But Hyrum.  I think how his love must have been for his brother to follow him.  I am sure that there may have been moments of doubts. And if he did, I would not judge him. For the whole Smith family, how strong they must have all been. And how wonderful of a family.  I mean Hyrum (to me) literally died for his brother. He as well as Joseph, died for us. Thinking that it was just Hyrum and Joseph that were wanted they went to Carthage jail, knowing they wouldn't come back.  While I reading this portion in D&C the other night, I was overwhelmed with emotion and cried.  I didn't even try to stop the tears from coming.  Their families, the love that they had for each other.  And all that they did so that we could know all the truths of Jesus Christ.  I will never be able to thank them for what they have gone through for us.  And I hope that I can be a little more like Hyrum, and stand by my family to the death.  To be such a person that would fight to save their life if needed.  

If you want to learn more about what I believe, or read more about Joseph and Hyrum's story, I invite you to visit https://www.mormon.org/ and request a free book about my beliefs herehttps://www.mormon.org/free-book-of-mormon

SMM assignment

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Blog post.  

 You can see that there is blog post right below this post.  I have decided to do it this route since it doesn't seem to be working from my word document.  

Birthdays!

Happy Birthday Baby girl!

Last Thursday, as many people were hurrying to make sure that they were on schedule with a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner, our day was a little different.  We didn't skip Thanksgiving.  In fact we attended two dinners.  We woke up, with smiling faces, and sang Happy Birthday! And for the most part, we did what she wanted all day!  Two!  How is my baby 2?  It feels like it was just yesterday that I was driving to the hospital to deliver her. I remember that day like it was happening right now...

It was two days before Thanksgiving, which fell of my birthday that year!  I had been having hard contractions pretty steady, on and off but still steady for the last week.  I knew she wouldn't come on her due date.  I kinda figured it would be payback for me being two weeks late from my due date.  My mom always told me it was killer for her.  I knew that I was doing this alone.  And I was scared, nervous, but so excited.  I was so worried something would go wrong. I was worried that my parents, being divorced, being in the same room would have issues.  But none of that happened.  I was so worried something was going to go wrong.  It didn't.  It was wonderful. And now she's two.  And I'm going to stop writing because I'm crying happy tears and it's getting hard to see.  Can't wait to see how she grows and what she learns in the year to come.  I love to watch her and see the wonderful little person she is becoming. I am her biggest fan.  And wouldn't change having her for the world. 

Holiday Beginnings

I have a love hate relationship with the holidays as I'm sure many do.  I love the lights, and the family and I love the hustle and bustle of everything.  I love the food.  I love the preparation of the food.  I however do not like the clean up of the food.  Especially when most of the people that feel they are entitled to partaking of the food feel like they do not need to help clean up. I feel if you eat it you can at least offer.   But the food still makes it worth it!

Since my parents separated like one hundred years ago, I feel like I'm in the middle of them.  They keep track of every hour spent at the others house and if it isn't equal, well then.  And even if they don't say it, even if they say it's fine.  I don't feel like it is.  Especially now, where they have a grand baby. It makes it a bit more frustrating.  I never feel like I am making everyone happy.  And it's the holidays, everyone should be happy.  Even if it is just Thanksgiving.

There always seems to be one person that I miss out on or don't quite give enough to.  It seems to be a different person every year.  And it stresses me out.  It makes me feel really bad.  This year, it seems that I am off to an awesome start.  Two years ago, it was my dad's year for Thanksgiving.  AND, it happened to be on my Golden Birthday!  We always eat at my Grandma Nelson's house.  BUT, I had just had a baby two days before, so I was just getting out of the hospital.  And truthfully, didn't feel like sitting for 4 hours in a car for a dinner.  And it was flu season, and that year was especially bad (I asked that if you had not received a flu shot, that you get one before coming and seeing us. No flu shot=no visits) I was taking all precautions against getting sick.  So, we didn't go.  I was released from the hospital on Thanksgiving day and just went home to spend time with my new baby.  I felt really bad, and I know that my Grandma really wanted me to come and to bring the babe.  So I promised her that we would be there next time. Next time is here and I am so excited.  This time it's Lyd's birthday on Thanksgiving!!! And my grandma is super excited.  A few things have come up though and my Step mom is now having her own Thanksgiving.  We will be staying with her and my dad.  So now I feel like a jerk to stay with them, but bolt as soon as it is time for dinner.

I have never had the pleasure of making my own Thanksgiving. And I can't wait until I do.  But I know that a lot of work goes into it.  Even if everyone brings a dish, it's a lot of work.  And now because I haven't figured out how to be in two places at once, I will have to skip one.  I already feel bad because everyone wants to spend time with Lyd.  And truly I don't blame them.  Even if because she wouldn't go to sleep, I forgot all about a big assignment that was due.

I hope that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Everything aside I have many, many things to be thankful for.  My beautiful, wonderful daughter and family is on the top of my list.

This week is going to be great!

Real life interaction, and new trends.

I don't see my dad as often as I should. He lives in northern Utah. And we live in Utah County. It really isn't that far away of a drive for us, but now especially with a little one it's a trip. When I plan to go up, I don't like to just go up for the day. I at least like to make a weekend trip out of it. Lyd loves both of her grandpa's so much. She calls them pa and papa. Next to me, probably because I feed her, pa is her favorite person. Probably because he has magic quarters that as long as she is with her pa, it will buy ANYTHING in the store! Man, I wish I had a magic quarters. Even just one would be awesome. Don't you think so? Any way. We were able to come and surprise my dad for his birthday this weekend. He had no idea we were coming! It was so much fun. She came to class with me and we just kept heading north after it was over. I know he misses his girl. She's the first grandkid and definitely the best behaved of the two. We were able to spend a good chunk of time just us and my dad. It was so great to have some one on one time. It's is so easy to forget or justify not coming up here to visit because he is able to FaceTime and see her growing from the posts that I make on Facebook. As wonderful as modern technology is, I think we all, myself included, we use it as an excuse to not have personal interaction. Even though sometimes family can be stressful I am so grateful that we came and were able to get a few pictures of Lyd and her pa. Together in real life! Now, I'm going to go to bed. I have had no sleep so that we were able to be packed and ready to go straight from school when we left at 6:30 am.

Something different?

How many times a day do you wish you were doing something different? What number do you have? What does that say about what you are doing? Do you wish you were at work? Do you wish you were away from your kids? Do you wish you were not with your significant other? Do you wish that you were stuck at school? Do you wish you were in traffic? I think (or at least I hope) that you aren't wishing for any of these. Yes you might need a break from your spouse, or your children. But to be AWAY from them, again, I hope not. I myself, have many times that I am wishing to be somewhere else. As I leave the house, I am wishing I wasn't. As I board FrontRunner(the train) to go to school, I wish I was at home playing with my little girl. As I walk to class, I wish I was not walking toward school but away from it, because that means I am going home. I absolutely do not like being away from my daughter. I have major, I mean major anxiety every time I do. I'm better at keeping it together now but it is still very hard for me to do. I hate having to leave her. Even thought I know I she is in good hands. I worry about the what if's. I feel bad because I feel like I am failing because I cannot be there with her all the time. I know she probably needs time away from me. It will help her grow. It will help her learn. And I'm told, it is good for her. HMMM. Anyway, my reason for this is, when you are having these feelings, is what you are doing worth it? Do you need to make a change in your life? Of course life will always have these, because we have to be adults. But if you feel like maybe something is off, I suggest you pray and ponder about it. The Lord will guide you to what he would like you to be doing, you just have to listen.

Manicures, sisters and a troubling world.

My sister is the best ever. Seriously, not even like just as a sister, as a person. She may not be active in the church, but she is going to heaven for sure! I am so lucky that I am able to have her in my life. Her job, and my school schedule have kind of worked together nicely this semester. She is able to watch L. on Thursday for a few hours while I have a morning class. And Tuesday, since I don't have a class until evening, we are able to have a sort of sister day (with L of course!). This last week, we went and had manicures! Aside from the spa not really having anything together, we were there for 3 hours, it was a wonderful day! L even got her nails done. Words can not describe how much I love spending time with her. We have things that we don't see eye to eye on. And heaven knows I am far from being a great sister. I can only hope to try and be like her. There are so many things that I do not know how to write about. I have very strong feelings about certain things that I know others have very strong feelings about. I am not willing to budge on them. It is what it is. I have learned how to rather than cause a fight, just be there. The world is changing so much. So many great things are coming of it. But so many terrible things are happening too. And I think that the majority of the changes are bad. It's hard to stay strong. And ever more hard to raise a family with strong values and keep them together and following the faith. There are so many days while watching, ok, listening, to the news that I am terrified for the future. Prayer and faith. There are so many things that I am constantly learning. I am grateful that I have the Book of Mormon and the knowledge of faith to help me through even day to day.

Rough week and Harry Potter.

This last week has been a bit rough. By rough I mean it really has been. I feel like I am maybe not doing as well in school as I would like. My daughter was sick a couple days with a low grade fever. Which if you have kids you know that that means no daycare. Which as frustrating as that may be, I am grateful for that. Because even though I am pretty positive that hers is just from her 2 year old molars, what if it isn't. I wouldn't want to spread any other germs. That means for me that I can either choose to skip class, which truth be told staying in bed sounded super nice, (especially since I am NOT a morning person) or I take her to class with me. Since my group had a presentation even though it wasn't big, I chose to take her with me. For some I know that that super annoys them. Especially since she is now in her toddler years. And for some toddlers, they are kinda wild. I am grateful that she is such a wonderful little girl so that I can go to school and be blessed to be her mama. Tonight we went to a Harry Potter thing at Lehi Hutchings Museum. I won the tickets a few months ago in a contest So I decided to go since it was free it couldn't be all that bad. They had live owls! They were so cute! I have learned that she loves owls just as much as I do. She was so happy. She's always so happy. I watch her when I'm with her and I wish I could see the world how she see's it. Seriously, I wish I could see the world through the eyes of a child. I love learning, but it is not the same when I learn something and when she does. She is so excited. And happy and smiling. She makes my world a better place. I would not change it at all. She literally makes me LOL. Like all the time she makes me laugh. She is the most kind hearted, sweet, gentle person that I have ever met. I try to be like her. That is my goal. That should be our goal right, to be better? Thank heaven for the gospel and the atonement. Thank heavens for repentance because I don't know where I would be without it.

Fear and Dating

The things I say I say only from what I have experienced. I am not speaking for all parents, I have never parented with another parent so I can't speak for those that have two parties involved. I don't mean to cause offense to anyone. So if I do, I'm sorry. Dating. Hmmm, dating. With this subject, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Dating has changed so much in even just the past few years. And even more since I was in High School. Dating is kind of hard. Who calls who first, and how long do you wait to call? Now everyone has phones! We don't have to wait for our turn on the phone. Wait until a member of our family gets off of the internet so that we can wait for the ring. Do they like me? Did I talk too much? Haha, oh it was so much easier. Now bring a little child into it. I would spend every second of every day with my little girl. And for the most part, I do. It makes you think twice about who and what are worth your time. I'm sure that I am probably a little over board with this, but I don't think that just anyone deserves my time over her. Sometimes I wonder if I should let loose a little. I mean I haven't been on a date in over 2 years. Like at all. I haven't even been asked. That's a little sad, maybe a lot sad. But I have been there for my daughter. I don't meet people. Don't get me wrong. I have friends. I have male friends. And I talk to them. But I don't know how to flirt. I don't know how to flirt while I have a little girl at home. Do you want to know what I really think it all boils down to? FEAR! Fear of being hurt again. Fear of hurting someone. Fear of what is next. Fear of the unknown. I guess we just wait. I just have to keep on being me. And do my best to be the best mom I can be. And trust that the Lord has a plan and I just don't know it yet.

When was the last time

Do you have kids?  When was the last time you watched a child? I mean really just watched them. What are they doing?  What are they thinking?  What wonder of this world are they learning this day, this moment?  When was the last time you just put your phone down and watched.  Don't get me wrong.  I love having my phone.  I shouldn't as much as I do, but none the less I it's always with me.  As is my daughter.  I love that I always have a camera at my fingertips.  And not just for stills, but I can get video with it as well!  When I was little, I remember my mom running to try and find the camcorder when a child was doing something fun.  I know we missed getting a lot of moments on tape just because of how inconvenient it was to always have to lug around the massive piece of equipment that it was back then.  I also love that I have the ability to share the pictures that I take with my family and friends immediately whether it be on Facebook or Instagram or just sending a message.  We truly have the world at our fingertips.  I have games on my phone for my daughter to play when I need a few moments to finish something.  And even she knows how to unlock the phone and take selfies.  Which, by the way, are way better than mine!  But with all the wonders of having that lovely device, it also makes it way too easy to get distracted.  It is way to easy to hop on really quick and play a game of solitaire, or whatever your game of choice might be.  I have found myself numerous times playing a game while I'm also playing with my daughter.  Which I know I need to do better at not doing.
Now, being a student, and a single mom, my life is full of double duties.  I am constantly multitasking.  Sometimes it is almost a necessity.  But is it really necessary for me to play a game rather than playing a game with my child.  Some will argue that for their sanities sake, yes it is a necessity.  And maybe it is.  But I don't think it should be as much as we allow it.  Even at the park I notice that there are so many that are so focused on their phones I wonder if they notice just how many wood chips their child has eaten. We live in such a fast paced world, where honestly, it is sometimes hard to keep up.  But why can't we enjoy a few moments.  We take it for granted the things we have around us.  Yes, I know we have seen the seasons before because we are older.  But why not trying to look at it through a toddler, or any child's eyes?  Remember, everything is new to them.  They might have already been through the fall season once or twice before, but last year, they could only crawl through the leaves.  Now, they can run through them.  Now, they can see and identify the birds and animals around them.  When it snows, they will be able to walk through it, without having to hold someone's hand this time.  Everything they are doing they are learning.  Constantly watching, and taking it all in.  Even with day to day things.  From learning how to feed themselves, to helping to prepare dinner.  Watch and see how they enjoy it. Even the hard things, like falling because they were just so sure they could climb the stairs like mommy (or daddy) does.  They imitate everything.  Just the other morning, my daughter was playing with my makeup brushes and by golly, she was putting them on her face in the right places.  I thought I had a few more years before the makeup part came.  She was thrilled with herself that she was doing it.  How is it that life has changed so much and we don't appreciate the difficult tasks put before us now.  We are so easily distracted and we don't really seem to mind.  But are our kids missing out on anything because of that?
I am so very far from being a perfect mother.  I will never claim to be that.  And I am not meaning to put anyone down with this post.  I just know that to me, I think my daughter deserves a little bit more of my FULL attention.  And if that means that I have to dig around for a second to catch something on video rather than always having it in my hand, I will.  She is so amazing, and is always learning.  I don't want her to remember me always being on my phone.  I want her to remember that I would play with her.  Yes sometimes, I will have to be on the phone, or computer, because as adults, we have to do things that have to be done.  She is my world, and far more important to me than anything else.

P.S.  Did you get to watch General Conference?  Have you ever watched or rather tried to watch it with a 2 year old.  Oh what a joy that was.  No seriously, she was a gem.  She danced with every musical number.  And knelt when she heard the prayers.  It was such a wonderful conference.  If you didn't get to watch it, you still can!  They have it online.  And soon it will be out in print.

Here we are!

Every day begins with smiles and giggles.  Well most days.  Every day I go to bed completely exhausted.  But I wouldn't change it for the world.  Even the worst days (which really aren't that bad) when I look into my little girls eyes and she tells me she loves me, or when she remembers and reminds me that we need to say our prayers before bed, it all goes away and everything is right again.  The world we live in today is terrifying.  Now raising a child in a world like this, makes it even scarier.  Yes, this is a mommy blog.  A mommy blog from a single, LDS momma who knows that there will be many days that I fall short of what I should be.  But who is trying her very hardest to raise her little girl in the gospel of Jesus Christ while being a mommy and going to school at LDSBC.   Raising a toddler never has dull moments, every one of them, I wouldn't change for anything.  

A little more about us.  I am attending Latter-Day Saints Business College, full time.  And I am a mommy to a very wonderful, very smart almost 2 year old. We invite you to follow us, I will be sharing the good, bad and the wonderful, I hope that this blog can be of some help somewhere for someone else. If you are interested in learning more about what LDS is, please join us tomorrow for General Conference to hear beautiful words from our Leaders.  You can view it online at https://www.lds.org